Truly Tasteless Jokes One by Blanche Knott

Author:Blanche Knott [Knott, Blanche]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor
Publisher: Ashtonia LLC
Published: 2011-05-06T05:00:00+00:00

*

Two nuns were taking a stroll through the park at dusk when two men jumped them, ripped off their habits, and proceeded to rape them.

Sister Gregory, bruised and battered, looked up at the sky and said softly, “Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not what he does.”

Sister Theresa looked over at her and said, “Mine does.”

*

What's black and red and has trouble getting through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

*

Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world. “I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married,” said one clergyman self-righteously. “Did you?”

“I don't know, said the other. “What was her maiden name?”

*

Three nuns die and go to heaven, where they are warmly welcomed at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter. “Sisters,” he says, “I want to thank you for all your good work on earth. Now there's just a brief formality before I can admit you to heaven: each of you will have to answer one question.” And, turning to the first nun, he asks, “Sister Catherine, what is the Mystery of the Trinity?”

“That's the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,” she replies. And the lights flash, the bells go off, and Sister Michael is swept into the Pearly Gates.

“Sister Benedicta,” asks Saint Peter gently, “what is the Mystery of the Virgin Birth?”

That's the Immaculate Conception,” she replies, and she too is swept inside the gates with much flashing of lights and sounding of bells.

Sister Angelica is left alone, shaking a bit with nervousness. St. Peter turns to her and asks, “What, Sister Angelica, were the first words Eve said to Adam?”

Sister Angelica thinks it over, beads of sweat starting to appear on her brow, and finally blurts, “Gee, Saint Peter, that's a hard one.”

And the bells went off, the gates opened . . .

*

Jesus was making his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

“See here, old fellow,” said Jesus kindly, “this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play—you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?”

“Well,” said the old man, “you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him.”

Tears sprang to Jesus' eyes. “Father!” he cried.

The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, “Pinocchio!”

*

Three Irish women were passing the time of day on the street corner, the street corner that just happened to be opposite the local whorehouse. And when the rabbi went in the door, there was a great clucking of tongues. Next to enter was the Episcopal minister. “Can you believe it?” said one woman to the rest. “The state of the clergy today is positively disgraceful.

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